Volume Two, Chapter Three: Ivy Leaguers Talking in Tongues

It was Mother’s Day, 2001. I was working for Eckard (now Rite-Aid) Drug Stores on their  regional remodeling team. We had been in Dallas for about a month at that point. I had been out all Saturday night, but a coworker decided she just had to go to church. Joanie Allen-Brooks, a retired Air Force SSGT had nobody to go to church with her. It was Mother’s Day, and she was a mother, so I decided to play “son” and go. She chose the Potter’s House as the place of worship. We had to get there an hour early just to get parking on a regular Sunday. Since it was Mother’s Day, it meant getting there two hours early.

Midway through the service, after a quiet period and offering (you ever notice how most megachurches always take up the offering before the sermon? Just saying…), the band broke out in the mandatory praise break. This is when the band just breaks out with a roaring tune, and all the Holy Ghost commotion starts. Joanie and some girl got the doing their thing in the aisle and tried to get me out there. Then this blonde guy came flying down the aisle, and joined in on the action. Twenty minutes later, the music stopped. Then came Bishop T.D. Jakes himself.

I can’t remember what he said verbatim, but I do know it was about the labor pains we all go through to produce something beautiful. With his forceful command to “PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!” the buck dancing and tongue talking cranked up again. Then, Jakes wrapped it up with a benediction, and it was soon all over. We went back to the parking lot, looked for the car for 30 minutes, finally found it, and left.

Ivy League people often frown on holy hootenannies like Jakes, Jimmy Swaggart and Peter Popoff, and view those who engage in such theatrics as trashy and ignorant. Yet they themselves have been emoting all over the place in honor of their new god as well. And to them, it’s the only game in town.

The worship of President Obama is a religious movement second only to the work of Dr. Billy Graham. “Obamaism” has White folks going to “CHUCH!”, showing up two hours early just to see him, throwing money at his feet, buck dancing, and, ironically, has Ivy Leaguers talking in tongues.

What?

Oh, yes, friends. Obamaism allows people to say incoherent things, and blast those who call it nonsense. It’s not quoting some Mid-East mantra or that… whatever it is that’s spoken in Pentecostal churches. It’s usually in English or Spanish. The words are familiar, everyday words, yet they’re often combined with others into phrases  that the speaker will insist are only clear to the “enlightened”/agreeing hearer, much like Hebrew prayers or Latin in a cathedral.

Take the term “Marriage Equality“. This denotes that lesbian and gay male couples should have the same “rights”, i.e. tax breaks and legal recognition, of heterosexual couples. That in and of itself seems pretty innocuous. However, even with all the “rights” in the world, all marriages aren’t equal. Any one of former House Speaker Newton Leroy Gingrich’s three marriages is NOT equal to Dr. Billy and Ruth Graham’s single, 64-year marriage that only ended with Ruth’s passing in 2007. In legal terms, sure. But if all it takes is a nationally recognized wedding certificate to put a couple on par with Newt or the Grahams, that’s uplifting the former, and diminishing the latter. And “right to marry” doesn’t count either, because anybody has the “right” to the government goodies when they marry the opposite gender. But hey, it only has to sound good…

Then there’s “Right to Choose“, or “Pro-Choice“. This describes women’s desire to have access to birth control and abortions. Women, like most sentient beings, have the right to choose pretty much everything, from clothes to where they live. They can even choose to have sex, which increases the chance of getting pregnant. Women have the right to terminate a pregnancy if they choose or prevent one via contraception. Somehow, this translates into complete strangers paying for her safeguards from pregnancy while she’s having sex. If I walked up to you on the street one day and asked you to buy me a box of condoms, would you do it? On top of that, gay guys actually scream loudest for this “right” for women…  then demand permission to adopt a child.

“Immigration Reform” basically defines the process of  lowering (or raising, depending on who you ask) the requirements for U.S. citizenship for those that are here both legally and illegally. To the race hustlers and President Obama, this somehow translates to not only open borders, but free education and employment affirmative action to the children of illegals. That’s what they basically got in July, with one million illegals getting work visas, and twenty-three million legal citizens still out of work. It was great for the Obamaites, who often pay illegals under the table. It was hurtful to those unskilled or newly adult workers, who were knocked out of the job market.

Obamaites can turn on MSNBC get their praise on. They can go on pretty much any website, make proselytes, and scourge infidels. Go downtown, and you’re bound to see someone with an Obama vestry on. (You’ll see the occasional PaulBot or Romneyizer, but they’ll come and go with little fanfare.) But be it 2013 or 2017, Barack Hussein Obama will give that final benediction. The Long-Legged Mack Daddy will walk that aisle, as Ric Flair says, for the last time as the 44th President of the United States of America.  The Obamaites will have to find ways to spend their days. It won’t be easy. When the cost of ObamaCare comes due, tax hikes hit the “middle-class” starting in 2013, and foreigners get a job sooner than a person born here can, all the various groups the Democratic Party will turn on each other.