Volume Three, Chapter Three: “At least he ain’t Shawn…”
I was talking to somebody I hadn’t seen in a few years. I used to work with “Trish” some years back, and we were fairly close. So we went to lunch one day. The usual small talk commenced; then we got the talking about our personal lives.
Now, the last time I had seen Trish, she was dating and living with a guy named “Shawn”. Well, for the last four or five years, she had been dating “Bret”. They were engaged, and she was expecting. I congratulated her, of course, and told her to invite me as soon as they set a date.
“I’m not in a hurry, really”, Trish said. “After all the sh*t with Shawn, I want to take my time. Besides, Bret says he wants to get married. Shawn never even mentioned it!”
“Well, this Bret fellow seems like a good guy”, I said.
“Bret’s a good guy, at least better than Shawn. I knew that when I met him at Lita’s wedding. Shawn’s sorry *ss was there, too, and I started to leave until I saw Bret trying to talk to me. I almost let him keep me from a good guy.”
“Shawn! Duh! I mean yeah, Bret might get out and about every now and then, but you know how men are. I can keep him in line, though. He knows I’ll throw his *ss out in a minute, just like I stepped out on Shawn after I caught him!”
“Well, you do what you’ve gotta. As long as you’re cool with it, it’s your world.”
“Oh, I’m fine with it, Douglas. We’ve got five years in this together. At least he ain’t Shawn.”
“Bret might get out and about every now and then, but you know how men are.” “We’ve got five years in this together. At least he ain’t Shawn.”
And there you have it: a scenario that plays out somewhere in America hourly. Somebody right now is in love with a guy they can only defend by exhuming and blasting a relationship and ex from five years prior. Either that, or they have to use the lowest common social denominator to validate the new guy (“You know how men are”). He actually doesn’t have to be an improvement; somebody will convince themselves he is, regardless. The only requirement said somebody makes for said new guy is that he not have the same name as their ex from five years prior.