The New Number One: Are Math and Biology REALLY That Hard?

My first time on Posterous, I had not written anything in almost three years. The first blog I did was proof of it. It was so bad I decided to redo it, just in time to debut on WordPress. Posterous had a lot of quirks I couldn’t work around, so let’s see how this works out. All the previous blogs will subsequently  be posted here.

I’ll admit it. I was a sh*tty sudent. I had so much chaos in my life as a teenager, I often wondered why I was still alive. When I felt like actually doing homework, I focused on math and biology, and that was only because I liked the teachers. Most of the teachers knew about my home life, and seemingly had mercy on me. Somehow, I managed to graduate high school. Looking back all these years later, I realize how we as adults take things for granted. Math and biology are the very building blocks of society. Both have been around since the beginning of time, and we’d be wiped out without them. Biology is needed to figure out when we’re sick, and math tells us how much medicine we need to recover. And some of the worlds most absolute truths are in both. Nobody questions 2+2=4, or “the birds and the bees”. Then religion gets involved.

If you got overcharged at a restaurant, you’d damned sure bring it to somebody’s attention, wouldn’t you? What if some woman walked up to you and said she got her husband pregnant? You’d either laugh you *ss off or be totally freaked out. Yet people over the next several days will dib and dab in something just as absurd, with situations like the aforementioned all the sudden making perfect sense. Somehow, religion makes it rational. You see, next week is Easter Sunday, the “Christian” day commemorating the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Never mind that it’s held on a different Sunday every year. Never mind that it’s named after a bunch of pagan goddesses. And never mind “Protestant Christians” indulging in a holiday created by the church they claim to want nothing to do with.

Christian preachers and theologians spend hours upon hours debating the origins of Easter, and there are several trains of thought regarding it. Many of Easter’s adherents are quick to claim it is an amalgam of the Jewish Passover and the resurrection of Jesus. Opponents of the tradition point to the fact that Easter was an ancient springtime fertility festival, with various nations worshipping some form of a fertility goddess. She was called, among other names, Ishtar (in Assyria and Babylonia), Astarte (in Egypt and Phonecia, among other places), and Eostre (in the lands surrounding what’s now called Germany). The prevailing opinion is also the most arrogant. Most Christians indeed acknowledge the pagan origins of Easter, but just like they’ve done with rock, rap, and weightlifting, they claim to have “Christianized” the season.  The popularity of Easter all but forced the early Christians to keep people interested in the growing group, so they engaged in it, amalgamating it into worship of Christ. In later years, the unity between the pagan Easter and Christianity was strengthened by… the Roman Catholic Church.

The customs of Easter are entirely pagan. You will not find a single thing in the Bible that describes its trappings. Thus, people have to seek information on the customs have to search elsewhere. Ironically, I ran across an interesting piece from Christian website concerning the Easter ham, Lent, the Sunrise service, and the name “Easter” itself:

“… Noah’s grandson (Cush) and his wife Semiramis had a son named Nimrod…After Cush’s death, Nimrod married his own mother and became a mighty king. He too was eventually killed. His mother then began the deceit of deifying her son/husband, claiming he had become a “sun-god” (the origin of “Easter Sunrise services), and he was then to be called Baal. (Baal was worshipped as a god of fertility and promoted sexual sin.) She proclaimed that the people of Babylon should worship him…This wicked Queen, doing the work of Satan, was creating a new religion and set herself up as the goddess called “Ishtar.” Hence the root of the pronunciation “Easter.” After she became pregnant, she bore a son named Tammuz claiming he was the product of a sunray, which caused her to conceive. But Tammuz grew to be a hunter and was later killed by a wild pig. “Ishtar” then designated a forty day period (the source of Lent) to mark the anniversary of Tammuz’s death. During this time, no meat was to be eaten. Every year, on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox, a celebration was made. Ishtar also proclaimed that because a pig killed Tammuz, that a pig must be eaten on that Sunday.”

Nimrod was reportedly responsible for building the Tower of Babel in the Bible. This meant this tale was out at least a hundred years (probably closer to a thousand) before the Passover feast was created, so you know even Jews had heard this tale. Another thing: did you notice how Semiramis/Ishtar claimed she was impregnated by a sunray? I recall another young girl making a similar claim around 2000 years ago. And how do you combine a Jewish passover day with eating a pig, which Jews abhor?

Then we get to one of the most controversial aspects of Easter: the Easter Bunny laying Easter eggs. No doubt when you ask the average Christian about it, you’ll hear something to the effect of “Oh, that’s just for the kids to have fun with.” Well, that does have some validity, but the original reason why there were eggs and bunny rabbits go right back to the name of the day. Easter was originally a springtime fertility festival honoring the fertility goddess, and rabbits are the most fertile animals around. Thus, they symbolized the goddess. Eggs are also an ancient fertility symbol, so the pagan observants of Easter simply decided to combine them and have the bunny rabbit (which, by the way, could be female or male) lay eggs as a symbol of the festival. This of course morphed into Peter Cottontail and the Cadbury bunny. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what the Roman Catholic Church, the first church to make Easter an official state holiday, had to say about it, via the Catholic Encyclopedia:

“Because the use of eggs was forbidden during Lent, they were brought to the table on Easter Day, coloured red to symbolize the Easter joy. This custom is found not only in the Latin but also in the Oriental Churches. The symbolic meaning of a new creation of mankind by Jesus risen from the dead was probably an invention of later times. The custom may have its origin in paganism, for a great many pagan customs, celebrating the return of spring, gravitated to Easter. The egg is the emblem of the germinating life of early spring…Both coloured and uncoloured eggs are used in some parts of the United States for this game, known as “egg-picking”…The Easter Rabbit lays the eggs, for which reason they are hidden in a nest or in the garden. The rabbit is a pagan symbol and has always been an emblem of fertility…”

View ImageA bunny rabbit laying eggs of Jesus and the twelve. It’s only as sacrilegious as anything else you do for Easter.

I can see parents footing the bill for their child’s college going clean the hell off if they found out one of the professors was teaching the type of biology in the picture above. Yet they go along with this in the name of religion. Writer Dan Brown gets slammed for claiming Jesus was married to Mary Magdelene and had a daughter, and people go along with this in the name of religion. And Christians deem homosexuality biologically incompatible, but go along with this in the name of religion.

Adults in some places saw the absurdity in such a thing, but felt it better to let children go through childhood believing such nonsense. Besides, they’d get some great candy out of it. I mean, come on, is there any real harm in a little white lie?

Another long-brewing query has to do with the date of Easter. Actually, it’s not hard to figure out. Well, maybe it is. The easiest way to do it is to find the first day of Passover, and add eight days to it. Passover does not have an official one day to begin, seeing that it’s based on the moon phases. And to figure out Passover it depends on what part of the world you’re in. The Western world uses one calendar (Gregorian) the Eastern world another (Julian). Both, however, base their Passover on the various phases of the moon. In other words, Jews, Roman Catholics and Protestant Christians (who claim to want no part of Rome) all celebrate their respective springtime festivals based on the same formulas used to calculate the damned horoscopes in the newspaper.

The last major aspect of the Easter season is easily the most baffling of all. The chronology of Jesus’ life has been up in the air forever. People, who use the modern Christian calendar, are arguing even now on what year he was born (thus the B.C.E. acronym). His long-alleged birthday, December 25th, is proven wrong by the Bible itself. And then there’s the day he died. I’ve been led to believe that Jesus only died once. It only takes one day to die; hell, it only takes one second to die. On top of that, in the Bible, Jesus himself said he’d be dead and buried three full days and three full nights before he rose from the dead. So the concept of a Good Friday and an Easter Sunday (or as some like to call it, Resurrection Sunday) is mathematically impossible. Would you let your HR department at work calculate your vacation days using just any old math formula? But then again, religion can rationalize anything, can’t it? Let’s look at the Catholic Encyclopedia’s take on Good Friday:

“From the earliest times the Christians kept every Friday as a feast day; and the obvious reasons for those usages explain why Easter is the Sunday par excellence, and why the Friday which marks the anniversary of Christ’s death came to be called the Great or the Holy or the Good Friday”

If you’re a fairly honest person, you’d have to admit that just saying you like to do sh*t on Friday as opposed to trying to religiously rationalize something that makes a lot more sense. There’s not a Christian anywhere that can justify all those extra-Biblical activities involved with Easter. All they have to justify them is piety. So do Islamic jihadists, Tim McVeigh, and abortion center killers. The evil people engage in for religious purposes is incredible. And to think people wonder why folks believe the Bible. Look at the absurdity its adherents cling to, and wonder after that.



Posted on April 17, 2011, in Easter Origins. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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