Number Four: The Final “H”
The previous post was shorter, but it related to something that, I feel, more people have had happen than would ever admit. The beauty of the “blogosphere” is that thoughts and opinions can be expressed without the fetters of political correctness. It’s freedom of speech in its simplest form. Until you’ve been somewhere that has no such freedoms, you can’t appreciate the ability to “vent”. I guess that’s why I don’t get upset about Fred Phelps, the KKK and other fringe groups. Hell, they’re actually more honest about their beliefs, right or wrong, than most people on the street. It’s this freedom that will allow me to elaborate on the previous two parts of this series, and post the third. And if you didn’t figure it out, yes, the final “H” is homosexuality.
Gay rights have come a very long way since the 1969 Stonewall Riots in New York. In the span of three decades, homosexuality went from being a taboo, subversive subculture to a group of oppressed, capable people just wanting to live their lives without shame. For the most part gays did indeed assimilate into mainstream society, not because so much because of acceptance of their personal lives, but because of their positive contributions to society. Homosexuality began to be viewed in a positive light, even as AIDS, a disease long believed to be caused by sex between males, ravaged the gay community, and eventually seeped into heterosexual society as well. Shoot over to 2011. The US military is proposing that openly gay soldiers serve. Gay characters are almost a prerequisite in entertainment. And the US government is pushing all kinds of legislation to allow same-sex couples official marital status. Gay people are depicted as basically the equivalent of straight couples. And that’s a good thing. Or is it?
When people see something in the media regarding gay rights, it generally plays out with same script, different cast: a photogenic, White, middle-class, middle-aged couple of women or men, revealing the rejection they have felt from loved ones and peers. The couple allows us to see their unconditional love for each other. And we see their fervent commitment to being able to set their love for each other in stone. And, just to drive the point of homosexual acceptance home, some “scientist” will show all kinds of damned studies that show that sexual orientation is a genetic trait, just like eye and hair color. In view of this great medical discovery let’s break this paragraph down and see what we’ve got to work with.
“A photogenic, White, middle-class, middle-aged couple of women or men.” This is not me railing against the middle-class. It’s the biggest and most important group of people in ANY progressive society. But it also has some pratfalls. The ratio for substance abuse, mental health issues, and marital chaos are comparable to crime in violence in the inner cities. In other words, two guys getting married won’t change their propensity towards these problems. Moreover, NO dollar amount can protect children from the inevitable taunts they’ll get over their parents, no matter how rosy a picture the media paints. And the reason why you’ll hardly ever see the white trash and the ghetto queens trying to get married is that they don’t need a big production to validate their affection.
“The couple allows us to see their unconditional love for each other.” Hmmm. Here’s where you get behind the veil. Yes, these couples are more committed to each other than others. It’s common for a couple to stay together even after one of the spouses has caught an STD. I’d say they’ll last just as long, maybe longer, than heterosexual families. But “unconditional”? The most popular gay dating website in America is flooded with committed male couples seeking a third guy to get with, and some knowingly expose said third party to HIV. And sometimes, gay couples stay together simply because the dating scene goes to hell after age 30. Granted, more than a few heterosexual couples do the same thing, but they do it on a much smaller scale.
“We see their fervent commitment to being able to set their love for each other in stone.” You can issue rights, but you can’t issue OPINION. Do you not see that the gay rights bills have to be passed on a stately basis, and not a federal one? The fact that this is one of the few issues that is being discussed on such a level should let gay couples know what they’re in for.
“Sexual orientation is a genetic trait, just like eye and hair color.” Talk about some bourgeois b*llsh*t. The same “scientist” who discovered this “gay gene” is the probably in the same room smoking a blunt with the folks who found the “fat gene”. Anytime I hear this type of thing, two questions come to mind: Are the “scientists” being paid to say that, and how come nobody found the gene before now? The gay gene is a card played to make homosexuality a matter of science, over which man has no control, as opposed to a matter of selection, which man does control. This leads me into the one aspect I left out. When you get down to brass tacks, this is the main reason why there are gay people here. It’s the least popular explanation, but the most logical…
“…revealing the rejection they have felt from loved ones and peers.”
My biological father left my life while I was an infant, and my relationship with my stepfather was volatile at best. It took me years to actually have Black male friends because of the “faggot” chants I heard while suffering beatings at their hands. My relationship with male classmates was nonexistent. Sound familiar? You ever notice that when a gay couple discusses those who support their decision, only ONE, if either, parent is mentioned? It cannot, repeat, cannot, be coincidental that every single guy in that ex-gay group I went to had a f*ck*d-up parent/child relationship, or were abused. The ex-gay worker I ran into at the bar? Same thing. Pretty much every guy I have ever dated? Take a guess. Did I choose to bring all this on myself? Nobody’s that nuts, not even me. But it’s the hand I was dealt, and I’m just going to have to play it. I don’t see my sexuality as some kind of curse or impediment. It’s a part of me but not ALL of me. That’s why I don’t need pride flags anymore than a “Black Power” flag. There was a time when I felt I had to be all up in somebody’s face with it, but that’s just as intrusive as the preacher or holy roller doing it to me. By coming out in this forum, people have a right to choose whether or not they read it. I owe it to myself to make peace with it which I feel I have. In the end, it has to be this way.
And being at peace now, I have different views than some I’ve held over the years. Knowing my past and the hurt I endured, I think it’d be very selfish to bring a child or woman into this. That Presbyterian Church I was in was basically filled with White guys wanting to fulfill their racial fantasies and Black women trying to marry themselves out of the hood. They ended up with conflicted, hateful biracial children. Now you have gay celebrities kind of sort of getting girls pregnant with children who’re never able to publicly acknowledge their mothers. Or worse, they go to Africa and buy a child like they’re at a damned Wal-Mart, and assimilate them into “normal” life here. How outlandish do you have to be to seem normal? The big stars and those church members are ultimately being motivated by their own egos, and don’t give a decent damn about the cost to others, including their own offspring. I just can’t do it. And suppose I did get married. Would that change what’s happened to me? Why, hell no. Wouldn’t my wife have a right to know about my sexual past? Some will accept me, sure, but man, are you in for an uphill battle to find one. And, most importantly, why am I with this woman, and she with me? Am I doing something I really don’t want to, to keep people satisfied, knowing how displeased people-pleasers usually are? Are we serious about this?
I think that gay marriage stands as good a chance as any heterosexual marriage, even with the catches. Hell, when you look at all the bastard childbirths and abortions taking place in America, there is no moral high ground to oppose it. The thing that will hinder it is not the GOP, Pat Robertson, or Sarah Palin. It’s when gay people refuse to face the past that has shaped their present, and show so little concern for gays of the future. If a person wants to be credible, they can’t explain away the things that they know shaped who they are. It’s a brutal type of honesty, but it’s honesty all the same.
I really had a blast doing this series, and thank you for joining me. BTW, can any of you guess who this character is in my profile pic?