Volume Three, Chapter Four: Stupid Sh*t You’re Supposed to Think Sounds Cool

As 2013 comes to a thankful end, I’d like to look back at five of the most popular, and equally absurd, sayings of the year. These sayings got a lot of use primarily after people ran out of ways to justify their own or their pop icons’ questionable activities. Rather than face accountability, thereby disrupting the fantasies, the accused/guilty came up with what they thought were witty responses. Giving them a second glance, they’re anything but. Some are old, others are variations of old ones, but none are new. And just for fun, I challenge anybody to use the top (or bottom, depending on how you see it) two absurdities in court.

Honorable Mention: “LEARN OUR LANGUAGE!”– Actor Alec Baldwin knew and used all the LGBT activist catchphrases in public (“EQUALITY!””BIGOTRY!”, etc.), and did the mandatory Sarah Palin cussing. He was a mainstream darling. As is often the case with such “allies”, he had a different vocabulary in private. That’s the easiest way to pimp political correctness addicts: use their language on the clock, then turn off Twitter and use your home words. What folks don’t hear can’t hurt them. Notice, Phil.

#5: “(S)HE’S A GREAT AMERICAN!”– The requirements for such a title are dirt low. All you really have to do is slam a political or religious figure, and somebody will call you that. Even if you’re a Canadian reading Dr. Seuss.

#4: “STOP CORPORATIONS!”– This is the mantra of many of those who started Black Friday shopping for XBox Ones at 4 a.m. They feed the beast, and wonder why it lives. They’re fueled by envy over a corporation’s money or influence (especially if “their corporate guy” loses something); guilt for working in, or benefiting from, a corporation (Occupiers); or when their Mass for Christ shopping financially catches up with them. 

#3: “EQUALITY!”– It’s a cute mantra for insecure people, but a mathematical impossibility. Joe and David may make the same salary, but Joe’s taller. Joe and David are thereby not equal. No law can make David taller (or more popular with people), either. The closest they’ll ever get to “equality” is if they both die and go to Colab.    

#2: “JUDGE NOT!/ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!”– Try saying this in a courtroom. This is the late Tupac Shakur and needy f*cker anthem. The person saying this is usually trying to be provocative. The unwanted “judgement” is what they thought was going to be acclaim for their antics. Oh, and I challenge any “non-judgmental” person to grab the first homeless guy they see, take him home, and lay him.

#1: “THEY DO IT!”–  The person saying this can ultimately justify ANYTHING their pal does. All they need is somebody they don’t like doing it to justify their own participation. “So? White folks sell dope, too! I know pastors more sexually inappropriate than this guy! What about the Muslims?” (And yes, I’ve observed people going there.) Such a mentality lets anything go. And it usually does under such auspices. Only a hit dog would howl this to try to take the heat off themselves. Going by the lowest common denominator only works in math.

It’s sad that people aren’t more creative in covering their asses. This may sound odd, but it might just be easier to… well, stop doing it. Just a thought. Thank you for reading.