Volume Three Finale: Lordship Salvation

In 2008, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan referred to then-Senator Barack Hussein Obama as the Messiah. Four years later, the son of America’s most famous preacher, Billy Graham, insisted Willard “Mitt” Romney be elected to bring America back to God. Such statements were actually typical for Presidential elections. The difference this time around was that people actually believed them literally. They still do.

When Obama openly touted same-sex marriage on May 9, 2012, the Black church was issued a challenge. In order to re-elect the so-called first Black President, they would have to all but equally endorse homosexuality. If conservatives wished to be rid of Obama, they would have to accept a Mormon elder as their leader. On November 6, 2012, the church overall was forced to compromise. But the Messiah won again, so…

The single biggest draw to the three Abraham-based faiths is now the centerpiece of identity politics. No longer do they look to a book to find redemption from an invisible deity. Instead, they seek restitution in a man on television. Regardless of what party, ideology, or even faith they belong to, their hope lies in Washington, D.C. The greater portion of the U.S. believes in Lordship Salvation: Calling (or voting) on the name of a benefactor to make everything better.

Now, by “salvation”, I don’t mean protection from a scary afterlife, or the promise of a nice one. That’s the old definition. The here and now are the issue today, and the reward for faith is being able to continue in whatever lifestyle one wants to have. Apparently, said lifestyle can only be maintained with the proper final political authority in place. And that final authority will not only validate one’s lifestyle; they’ll destroy those who refuse to do so.

Where the Bible fails, the ballot prevails. When the ballot fails, and one doesn’t get what they want, they go back to the Bible, or some other ideology, for comfort. In either case, the people never find peace. As long as there’s one person out there who mocks their idol or mindset, they simply can’t rest. Things HAVE to line up just right. And they have to line up according to their Savior… which just so happens to side with their worldview.

Obama and Ronald Wilson Reagan, among other political figures, are indeed fascinating and charismatic. But much like Jesus Christ and Mohammed, their followers don’t know them personally from face-to-face encounters and interactions. Their greatest asset is that they embody the mindsets of their worshipers, who can make them into anything they want them to be. They need only be somebody in whose name they can do what they want.

That’s the whole thing behind the worship of such people and celebrities like Brangelina. They embody a certain holy  ideology, and therefore are saints. You can put Jesus Christ in a jar of piss and call it art. Refer to a Long-Legged Mack Daddy or laugh at a Senator reading Dr. Seuss on the Senate floor, and you’re blaspheming. And you’ll notice so-called atheists are the best about calling out such heresies.

Anytime a nation has left a church, it’s ultimately not become atheist. Instead, the worship is transferred to the state, and those who are executively employed in it, such as the former Soviet Union. Since most religions teach of an all-provident entity in heaven, said benefactor need only take up an earthly address to be worshipped. This is called statism today, but it’s ultimately socialism. Conservatives and progressives are only fighting over who’ll run things.

I became a Deist in 2011 to avoid the emotional and manipulative roller coaster of church. I could do like so many and just go along but I won’t. Following this blog, there will be NO further direct postings about politics, especially identity politics. I didn’t leave one religion just to be imprisoned in another. I’m churched out.

Next time: Volume Four, Chapter One. This blog will now be going in a different direction…

 

Volume Three, Chapter Eleven: Yes, America DOES Have a State Religion

On Tuesday,September 11, 2001, I was working in a check advance office, and people kept telling me about a bunch of plane crashes in like an hour. Well, when I went home for lunch, images of the two planes hitting the Twin Towers were all over the place. That night, Whitney Houston’s epic rendition of the “Star-Spangled Banner” from Super Bowl XXV was all over the place.

On Sunday, September 16, 2001, EVERY church parking lot was full. To look at the evening news, every temple, synagogue, and mosque was, too. America had been attacked by Islamic jihadists, and folks just didn’t know what to do. And the question loomed: how could God allow this to happen to this nation? The 9/11 attacks dramatically changed the religious landscape of America, possibly even the world.

9/11 brought Islam to the forefront, and challenged Christianity. The subsequent War on Terror/Islam, prompted incredible debate all over the country. After a while, all three Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) were being scrutinized. But by 2007, Christianity and Islam were merely talking points. The next year, a professing United Church of Christ member with a Muslim upbringing became the President of the United States.

The election of Barack Hussein “The Long-Legged Mack Daddy” Obama established identity politics as the official U.S. religion.

And if you’re one of those who still has a strong reaction to his Presidential nickname, thank you for proving my point.

As I said back in 2012, religion allows you to do, say and believe things you wouldn’t otherwise. Since that time, we’ve seen heroes and heathens come and go with breakneck speed. The bar to decide who’s who is incredibly low. A person can switch sides based on a few words. Identity politics have a lot in common with the other three formerly major religions in America.

Ideological Purity:  Jews, Christians, and Muslims are demanded to believe and do certain things. So are ethnic and sexual minorities. And to hear it from the plurality of tribes to choose from, you’d think they were all different. But the vegan could pass for a Seventh-Day Adventist. Not all Democrats celebrate abortion. And some of the most loyal conservatives are not old White males. Such abnormalities are considered heretics, but they can always redeem themselves… in a way.

Evangelism/Soul Winning: The whole point of a debate, especially online, is not just to say one won. It’s also to get others on their side. The thinking is that the more “converts” one has, the more prestige they’ll get when things fall in place… assuming they ever even do. Or, as they say in church, they’ll have more stars in their crown. The whole point is to hopefully endear one’s self to those in charge of their selected great and noble cause. That goes right along with…

Works Orientation:  As long as you publicly do certain things, you can pretty much live how you want. We’ve all seen the zealous Southern Baptist making sure everybody sees him praying. Then we find out he abuses some family member. The exhibitionist ice-bucket challenger or the guy who quotes some ideologue to promote their ministry cause is right next door to him ideologically. All of them ultimately do it to exhalt themselves and to secure…

“Everlasting Life”: Nobody likes to consider the fact that we’re all going to die one day. So we do what we can to avoid eternal torment and aim for eternal bliss. When you don’t believe in heaven or hell, just aim for “the right side of history” or “what’s best for the family”. The communion in hope of remembrance, the desperate need to be remembered as a pure and noble person, is binding. And blinding, as I’ll show next time in the conclusion of Volume Three.

Volume Three, Chapter Ten: Another Day, Another Dollar

Volume One of this series was pretty much about me individually getting used to the access social media provides. I really said nothing I didn’t say on my old MySpace blog. Volume Two centered around the 2012 Presidential election, and the fallout thereof. The current Volume, Three, so far has concerned the horrendously needy emotional state of America, and how it’s led us to where we are as a nation today. And almost on cue, here comes Ferguson, Missouri.

Today, we had a “Love Your Community” rally out in the East Lake area of Chattanooga, Tn. We’ve had at least three this year. These events, are very much like those currently happening in Ferguson, but hey, they make for compelling television. By now we all know the script for these little exhibitions. It had the one outstanding university student, the positive rapper, the “concerned” White people and law enforcement and of course, the long, tearful prayer.

Rest assured, tomorrow morning, the Internet will be filled with more police brutality videos and jeremiads on “RACISM!” But to all of you there with the little Michael Brown hashtags and videos depicting police brutality, I want to ask you something. If it’s so hard to live with White people, why has the Black community never learned to live without them? The Asians, Jews and Arabs running the corner stores have.

When they collectively move in a place and Whites move out, do they go on CNN and mourn a “White Flight”? No, because they see that as an opportunity to establish themselves. They make their own money, and police their own people. And they don’t even want or need other people to do it for them, or want people to always feel sorry for them. As a result, they have a better relationship with others.

Oh, yes, all the cable news outlets are milking the Michael Brown shooting. Protesters are getting their chance to vent and clown. White people are getting to show how “concerned” they are, knowing those protesters will die if they violate them in any way. But they’ll gleefully leave the savagery behind once it’s no longer a headline.

When the cameras go off, all the pastors will go back to their mansions in mostly-White neighborhoods, paid for from Whites seeking tax write offs and greedy congregants.The protesters will go back to the hood, calling on White people to break up their fights, and foreigners to cut them a break in their stores. And some protesters may go to church, if they get up in time. 

And at the end of the day, the cameraman pulls out in his van, the storekeeper counts the money, and the policeman finishes his log. Meanwhile, the outraged African-American, regardless of his income or education, is just another dollar and story to make. He will need everybody else a hell of a lot more than anybody, including his own people, could ever need him. And the bad part is, he really doesn’t need anybody, either, but doesn’t even know it.

If you don’t want to police and run you own community, don’t worry. There’s always somebody else happy to do it for you.

Next time will feature the single greatest achievement of the current President of the United States.

Volume Three, Chapter Nine: A Post-GOP America?

The United States face a guaranteed U.S. economic collapse. Sure, a reduction in government spending and citizens tightening their own damned belts could avoid it. But people aren’t going to volunteer to do it. So, bring on the wrecking ball. In the end, America could be a Democrat dystopia, as I mentioned last time, a colony of China, or a totally different place.

American progressives really don’t want to rule the world. As long as they can remain slum lords here in America, they’ll gladly cede the task of handling the lowly masses over to China (not the Arabs; those people are too, well…).  Their voters, used to and enjoying having their lives dictated by others as long as they can engage whatever impulse hits them, will go right along as well.

The current Republican Party is made up of older people getting what they can while they can, and getting gone. The Tea Party shills in 2014 were Christian Coalition groupies in 1994. They joyfully voted in the Establishment GOP they loathe and deny any connection to now. If they truly believed in “LESS GOVERNMENT!”, they would have tried to remove federal involvement in marriage, thus avoiding the battle that hurt them the most.

Neither conservative faction has a no younger voting base. They seem to be reverting to middle-aged teenagers as well, with epic rants and no youth outreach. But unlike progressives, they have no one to continue their battle, such as it is. And so, after years of warnings to it, the entire GOP will indeed fall with the U. S. dollar. This will see the U.S. hit rock bottom… the ONLY place the nation can build from.

The collapse of the dollar will probably happen in our lifetime. What happens afterward may play out for decades afterward. But by the time the dust settles, should America somehow avoid other nations chopping it up, all the pressing social issues will be done with. After all, it will be a matter of survival. But America won’t have a World War to boost its economy. It will require the will to make it collectively.

That means rhetorical flame throwers sitting on their money, talking revolution and never actually fighting one, will finally be jettisoned. There will be no room nor need for them. The tribalism will be gone, too; you can’t argue and beg over money and sympathy that isn’t there to be had. If America’s going to make it, yes, it may be socially liberal, but it will have to be fiscally conservative.

That means folks can do what they do, but only on their own dime… if they have a dime. That means there won’t be time made for phony outrage over things one’s probably had people doing around them all along. And above all else, the things most people think matter will be revealed as the nothings they are. Germany and Japan had to start all over after World War II; inevitably, so will America.

Volume Three, Chapter Eight: The Multicultural Main Event

I’ve got a confession to make. There is a very specific reason why I do this blog. This blog, particularly since the post I did at the end of 2013, is a personal exercise. It is a constant personal challenge to myself to not get immersed in groupthink. One of the big problems with collective mentalities is that it usually focuses on a single or a few big things, while little things start adding up in the background.

And one of the worst instances involving groupthink has to be in politics, especially when it comes to minorities. When it comes to identity politics, the order of the day is “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”. That is such a lie. A common enemy should and does not automatically make you bedfellows with somebody. And if it does, you’re only such until said enemy is either irrelevant or gone. And once they’re gone, that “friend” may replace them.

Consider the recent op-ed in Time by one Sierra Mannie, a “rising star college senior” at the University of Mississippi. Well, she’s blasting White homosexual men for stealing her sista riffs and mannerisms. According to Ms. Mannie, White gay men, having never went through the same difficulties of  Black women, have no right to appropriate Black female mannerisms for their own use.

Rarely, if ever, does an article pitting one perpetual victim group against another ever make it to see the light of day. Had it not been for Ms. Maddie’s jab at MS Tea Party Candidate Chris McDaniel, this probably wouldn’t have, either. After all, in the progressive movement, no one group is more important than another. Never mind that one group’s objectives often clash directly with another, like illegal immigration and Black unemployment.

The truth is, the LGBTetc. and Black communities have always had a tumultuous relationship. Their respective leaders have laid claim to the… prize of being America’s most persecuted and pity-owed group for years. They are not united based on mutual respect. In fact, the only thing keeping them from openly warring, for now, anyway, is their collective, obsessive hatred for conservatives, particularly the Tea Party.

With the current immigration chaos and increasing support (or apathy, take your pick) for LGBTetc. issues, America will inevitably be a progressive/Democratic one-party nation. And that’s when the facade of unity will no longer be necessary. When there’s no common enemy to focus on, the only target for identity groups is each other or themselves. The Sierra Mannie op-ed is only a foretaste of things to come.

And while the various ethnic groups drag everybody into their tribalism, America will finally have its bottom fall out… without a Republican to be found to unite against.

 

 

Volume Three, Chapter Seven: American Ideologies

“When the praises go up, the blessings come down!”

“If we get more ‘role models’ on television, people will think because I look or act like them in public, I’m a good person, too.”

“I could never be friends with people that don’t tell me what I want to hear.”

“If we just elect the right politicians, they’ll pass the right law. Then, people will do what we want them to do. They’ll see us the way we want them to.”

“I’m different than others, so people MUST accommodate and acknowledge my uniqueness.”

“I only support celebrities who publicly (key word) support me.”

“If I make enough money, I can buy the friends I want.”

“I cannot share this country with people who don’t share my views.”

“If people would treat me the way I wanted them to, I wouldn’t act like a b!tch.”

“We must destroy those who don’t celebrate us.”

What are the common links in these quotes? For one, they are all the most common mindsets in America. And secondly, they all require the intervention of, if not absolute dependence on, others to make them work. The adherents are actually pretty passive in their own redemption. In short, they all seek a savior.

For more information on these and other popular ideologies, simply turn on cable news, any activist/religious website… or Elliot Roger’s manifesto.

Volume Three, Chapter Six: Ghetto Tendencies

In 2008, I was driving a cab. A fellow driver named Skip and I were sitting up at the airport discussing a certain potentially historic event. “If that m__________r  gets elected, watch White folks start acting just like n!gg&hs. They’ve been wanting to for a while.” Now, Skip was/is a retired guy who only drives a cab to avoid going stir crazy. He also does it to keep his father’s business going. Guys like him talk junk, but they do so from experience. Here’s a guy who grew up in the segregated South who had seen all types of people by now. And he had to know something to last this damned long.

Not too long ago, NFL Hall of Famer Deion Sanders stated that much-hyped college football star Johnny Manziel would have problems in the NFL. Sanders stated that “Johnny Football” has ghetto tendencies. By this, he meant Manziel’s bravado and flair. Inexplicably, Sanders felt the need to deny the comment, made on a morning radio show. He wasn’t lying, though. When Manziel got sent to the Cleveland Browns at the NFL Draft, he did act rather ghetto. It’s just that the term is rarely used to describe a Caucasoid.

I see where Skip and Deion were coming from. Ghetto mentality is not a product solely for poor people, or even just Black people. Anybody can be ghetto. Really, when comparing scenarios and words common in the ghetto/hood, lined up beside what’s on display in “mainstream” society, it’s actually easy to spot the similarities.

“I don’t give a damn what anybody says about me!” (Five minutes later…) “I know he/she ain’t talkin’ no sh!t!”  The same person who puts all their business and “only God can judge me” memes out blows a damned gasket every time somebody says something. Be it Bookie on the corner, the showboat abortionist, or evangelical house-flippers, the faux outrage and busybody foolishness occurs in spades.

A Black, unmarried mother of two picking a fight with somebody over some “he said, she said” sh!t… What do people call her? Ghetto. If said woman has a college degree, she’s a “strong Black woman”. If they’ve got a radio room or television camera on them, they’re called a host. But when some nominal LGBTetc. or Tea Party acolyte does the same thing, they’re vocal, maybe even a troll, but never ghetto. May I ask why not?

“My man better have this, this, and this,”. (Three months later…) “At least I got a man” or “I need a man”. Tea Party zealots are still hoping out for the next Ronald Wilson Reagan. In the meantime, they’ve thrown those legs open for anybody that can quote the catch phrases. And just like ol’ girl, they have little to show for it. Both are sitting around waiting for Captain Save-a-Ho to rescue them. And they better get comfortable.

“RIP”… Speaking of Reagan, ghetto dwellers have no real future to look forward to. So they sit around asking themselves “what if” about somebody they want around,  and “what was” about somebody long gone. They seldom face  “what is”. When they finally do, it’s only a temporal, situational remedy that never worked in the past. That, of course, makes things even worse. But being ghetto cuts you off from ever learning any different.

The shamed White preacher in the urban church… because nobody else will have him. Would you believe there are people who actually write for a gay conservative website one-upping each other insulting “gay-sex marriage”, with the approval of the website moderation itself?  Sadly, neither party sees the absurdity or irony in it. But hey, they’ve got that understanding, right?

“Here comes Becky!” The affluent White female who carouses with Black men out of rebellion doesn’t love Black folks, and won’t acknowledge them around certain folks, but once she’s in the hood, it’s on. And again, everybody’s got that understanding. She’ll always be welcome there if nowhere else. Why, I know of some progressives and even some NAACP supporters who look down on minorities and fXck them, too.

When I use terms like “Afrocentrists” or “activist crowd”, I do so to point out the certain segments of people who create problems for those they’re most frequently associated with. I also do so to emphasize why I refuse to comply with it. I make a point of not saying “Black people” because not all Black people are alike, nor are all LGBTetc., White, Hispanic, Latino, on and on. But ghetto is definitely a universal term. It can, and should, be used to describe anybody who fits it.

The fact that even the most educated, articulate, and affluent people are conducting themselves like common hood rats is hardly a sign of “progress”. One of the worst aspects of ghetto life is how it cuts people off from one another, yet has them unknowingly pretty much acting the exact same way. Hopefully, people will get out of their mental ghettos and avoid waking up one day in a physical one.

Volume Three, Chapter Five: Random Thoughts

Alright, I realize I’m running way behind, and I apologize. I pulled the previous edition because… well, sir, I didn’t like it.  Since I’ve got a lot of stuff to choose from, I’ll just go with a “random thoughts” version.

Freedom to discriminate laws do not compensate for a lack of coping or social skills. The gay wedding cake baker may be cracking gay jokes or buying Chik-Fil-A with the money, or simply tell somebody they’re booked up. Another one just unknowingly baked a wedding cake for a drug dealer. And by the way, with such a law, a Church of Christ cab driver can refuse to take your grandma to choir practice. Business is tricky, isn’t it?

Chris Anderson, Chattanooga’s first openly gay City Councilman, is facing recall. In a room with ten people, would any of his district’s voters actually recognize him? He’s a Democrat, and that was all he needed to get their vote. How can he stop the shootings in Alton Park when it’s a voter’s grandson pulling the trigger? Everybody seems to want solutions, as long as they’re not named as part of the problem.

Kobe Bryant blasphemed against Afrocentric Groupthink. If  Trayvon Martin was walking around in a hoodie marcher’s neighborhood, he’d have been arrested. Somebody Black would have probably called the police. The same culture that demands you defend somebody who looks like you will stand by and let you get killed by somebody that looks like you. Afrocentric culture has produced plenty of prisoners, and not a single President.

To be sure, Jesse and ‘em ain’t the only Groupthink slaves. In WWE, you don’t kill a story line if it’s still drawing money and ratings. Groupthinkers LOVE drama, and spend money on and for it. Politicians and the media know this all too well. It’s not coincidental same-sex marriage is being handled on a stately basis. Groupthinkers are naturally manipulative, but the media and politicians are much better at it.

ObamaCare reaches 6M enrolments… or does it? If this thing was such a resounding success, why is it the only testimonials in its favor are coming from anonymous Yahoo! comments? Or people with preexisting conditions? Or kids still on their parents’ insurance? And what constitutes an “enrollment”? It’s not “RACISM!” to ask things like this. I can’t imagine somebody buying a house without at least knowing the address.

Here’s the world’s surest weight-loss plan. The main reason I’m so late posting anything is because I recently purged the hell out of my Facebook page. (I use Twitter like twice a year, so it’s not an issue.) If somebody spends all damned day talking about Teabaggers or Libtards , I’m not trying to hear it. So how do I deal with my haters? No Dr. Farrah Gray meme or book needed; I just don’t deal.

I’m glad I grew up jugging. One good thing about being Black, gay, and having voted Republican is you can take some damned hits. You pretty much have to. If it weren’t for jugging (“Your mama” jokes), I’d only be able to surround myself with people who I unconditionally agree with. Having never met such a person, I’d end up with maybe three actual friends and a million Facebook ones.

Why am I a Deist? Because I like meat, especially pork. Atheists inexplicably believe and know the Bible better than Billy Graham or Jack Van Impe. Churches now worship either the so-called first Black President or the Founding Fathers (I seldom even quote Thomas Paine). And I can’t figure out which denomination is the right one. Besides, I refuse to pay monthly tithes for the MainStream News Believers’ Church of the Fellowship of Xtians.

“Do right because it’s right, not because you’re compelled to.” My late principal, Brother James Warren, said that everyday at school announcements. I can’t stand all this superficial symbolic sh*t that seems to be en vogue. Don’t do positive things for others in hopes of Facebook likes or admiration. Just be straight up with folks. It’s easier than keeping a lie straight.

All right, there’s the updated blog. Next time, it’ll be time to do the blog I’ve been wanting to do for a LONG time…

Volume Three, Chapter Four: Stupid Sh*t You’re Supposed to Think Sounds Cool

As 2013 comes to a thankful end, I’d like to look back at five of the most popular, and equally absurd, sayings of the year. These sayings got a lot of use primarily after people ran out of ways to justify their own or their pop icons’ questionable activities. Rather than face accountability, thereby disrupting the fantasies, the accused/guilty came up with what they thought were witty responses. Giving them a second glance, they’re anything but. Some are old, others are variations of old ones, but none are new. And just for fun, I challenge anybody to use the top (or bottom, depending on how you see it) two absurdities in court.

Honorable Mention: “LEARN OUR LANGUAGE!”- Actor Alec Baldwin knew and used all the LGBT activist catchphrases in public (“EQUALITY!””BIGOTRY!”, etc.), and did the mandatory Sarah Palin cussing. He was a mainstream darling. As is often the case with such “allies”, he had a different vocabulary in private. That’s the easiest way to pimp political correctness addicts: use their language on the clock, then turn off Twitter and use your home words. What folks don’t hear can’t hurt them. Notice, Phil.

#5: “(S)HE’S A GREAT AMERICAN!”- The requirements for such a title are dirt low. All you really have to do is slam a political or religious figure, and somebody will call you that. Even if you’re a Canadian reading Dr. Seuss.

#4: “STOP CORPORATIONS!”- This is the mantra of many of those who started Black Friday shopping for XBox Ones at 4 a.m. They feed the beast, and wonder why it lives. They’re fueled by envy over a corporation’s money or influence (especially if “their corporate guy” loses something); guilt for working in, or benefiting from, a corporation (Occupiers); or when their Mass for Christ shopping financially catches up with them. 

#3: “EQUALITY!”- It’s a cute mantra for insecure people, but a mathematical impossibility. Joe and David may make the same salary, but Joe’s taller. Joe and David are thereby not equal. No law can make David taller (or more popular with people), either. The closest they’ll ever get to “equality” is if they both die and go to Colab.    

#2: “JUDGE NOT!/ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!”- Try saying this in a courtroom. This is the late Tupac Shakur and needy f*cker anthem. The person saying this is usually trying to be provocative. The unwanted “judgement” is what they thought was going to be acclaim for their antics. Oh, and I challenge any “non-judgmental” person to grab the first homeless guy they see, take him home, and lay him.

#1: “THEY DO IT!”-  The person saying this can ultimately justify ANYTHING their pal does. All they need is somebody they don’t like doing it to justify their own participation. “So? White folks sell dope, too! I know pastors more sexually inappropriate than this guy! What about the Muslims?” (And yes, I’ve observed people going there.) Such a mentality lets anything go. And it usually does under such auspices. Only a hit dog would howl this to try to take the heat off themselves. Going by the lowest common denominator only works in math.

It’s sad that people aren’t more creative in covering their asses. This may sound odd, but it might just be easier to… well, stop doing it. Just a thought. Thank you for reading.

Volume Three, Chapter Three: “At least he ain’t Shawn…”

I was talking to somebody I hadn’t seen in a few years. I used to work with “Trish” some years back, and we were fairly close. So we went to lunch one day. The usual small talk commenced; then we got the talking about our personal lives.

Now, the last time I had seen Trish, she was dating and living with a guy named “Shawn”. Well, for the last four or five years, she had been dating “Bret”. They were engaged, and she was expecting. I congratulated her, of course, and told her to invite me as soon as they set a date.

“I’m not in a hurry, really”, Trish said. “After all the sh*t with Shawn, I want to take my time. Besides, Bret says he wants to get married. Shawn never even mentioned it!”

“Well, this Bret fellow seems like a good guy”, I said.

“Bret’s a good guy, at least better than Shawn. I knew that when I met him at Lita’s wedding. Shawn’s sorry *ss was there, too, and I started to leave until I saw Bret trying to talk to me. I almost let him keep me from a good guy.

“Who?”

“Shawn! Duh! I mean yeah, Bret might get out and about every now and then, but you know how men are. I can keep him in line, though. He knows I’ll throw his *ss out in a minute, just like I stepped out on Shawn after I caught him!”

“Well, you do what you’ve gotta. As long as you’re cool with it, it’s your world.”

“Oh, I’m fine with it, Douglas. We’ve got five years in this together. At least he ain’t Shawn.”

“Bret might get out and about every now and then, but you know how men are.” “We’ve got five years in this together. At least he ain’t Shawn.” 

And there you have it: a scenario that plays out somewhere in America hourly. Somebody right now is in love with a guy they can only defend by exhuming and blasting a relationship and ex from five years prior. Either that, or they have to use the lowest common social denominator to validate the new guy (“You know how men are”). He actually doesn’t have to be an improvement; somebody will convince themselves he is, regardless. The only requirement said somebody makes for said new guy is that he not have the same name as their ex from five years prior.

Sound familiar?

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